Today was a more difficult day. I had some good parts and some bad parts to the day. The good part is that I'm connecting with the other residents more and will be spending some time on my pass with a couple of them during part of the weekend, and I got some mail from some relatives and an order from online that I bought and those helped me feel a little better, and this evening I got to see my parents for the parent night we have every week. The not so good parts about today was that lunch was challenging and I had to take Boost for some of it.. and that made me more anxious.... and I've been feeling down and anxious and overwhelmed a lot. I have been here for 2 and a half weeks now and have adjusted more each day and starting to open up more and connect with others more too, but there are usually some challenges to most days and sometimes some good times as well. I am definitely learning better ways to cope and trying to learn more about myself. I appreciate the mail, emails, and prayers people have been sending my way. I am grateful for all the support that I am getting. Thanks! Love, Heather Rose

Hey everyone, I have been in treatment for almost 2 weeks now. I have been adjusting pretty well, have had a few rough days, but also had some fun times as well.  My expected time being here is 6-10 weeks, so by the beginning to the end of July is the expected discharge date depending on how things go, could be longer if needed though. I feel like I am gaining a lot of weight and feel uncomfortable when I get full which gives me anxiety. I have been trying to learn better ways to cope with the anxiety and depression. I am also learning to figure out ways to challenge the eating disorder and working on having better body-image which is tough and will take some time. Today I got to go on a pass for the first time, I get to have three 3 hour passes today, tomorrow, and Monday. Today I went to the Mall of America with my mom and sisters. We didn't have a lot of time to shop but we went to the Disney store and Becca bought me a couple of stuffed animals and then we went to Build-A-Bear and me and Becca made a stuffed animal. I made a puppy and Becca made a bear. When I go on my passes I have to make sure I get my meal plan in, and so far I can just go on a pass during snack times, so I had to make sure I got my snack in. I have been getting to know the other residents here and they are very nice. We have played some games together which was a lot of fun. I have been writing in a journal which has helped me put my thoughts on paper. I have also talked with the EDT's which has helped. During my free time, I enjoy watching tv, playing games, listening to music, writing, coloring, painting my nails, and just hanging out. My appt's have been going alright. I am starting to feel more at home here now and have lots of support but it's hard at meals sometimes. ~Heather Rose

Hey everyone, Last night was tough for me, but I am doing a little better this morning. I had a lot of anxiety and depression last night. I am trying to keep a positive attitude about being here. A song that comes to mind is Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood, the chorus of it has a lot of meaning to it. "This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong Windows and rooms that I'm passing through This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going I'm not afraid because I know This is my temporary home" Tonight my parents are coming for the parent support group and then we are having dinner with our parents. There usually are some challenges each day but I'm learning how to cope with them better. The groups and appt's keep me busy and it's nice to have free time as well. ~Heather Rose

Hey everyone, I can't believe it's been a week that I've been here already! It's been challenging but I have been slowly adjusting. My first few days were tough and the meals have been a challenge. I've had lots of appt's and groups, blood draws, and EKG's. I need to get my vitals checked everyday. I am working on my meal plan which is a challenge. Friday was somewhat of a challenge. I got to see my family over the weekend. Last night I played a game with some of the residents and had a fun time with that. Today we went on an outing bowling and dinner. I had fun bowling even though I'm not very good at it, I did better on the second game though. This weekend I get to have some passes for 3 hours during snack times, just have to make sure I get my snacks in.. I am going to go to the mall on Saturday, Como Zoo on Sunday, and Monday just hanging out with my family and hopefully seeing some relatives. Been getting some anxiety and things have been tough but it's nice to be able to see my family during visiting hours friday through monday and during dinner with parents on thursday's. Love, Heather Feel free to send me mail, or email me so we can stay in touch!

Almost a week at the Emily Program- Anna Westin House-Adolescent/YA

Hey everyone, today is my 5th and a half day here at the Anna Westin House-Adolescent/Young Adult which is apart of the Emily Program. I have slowly been adjusting to things around here. There have been some challenges but also some good times as well. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and anxious about things though. The weekends consist of mostly free time. This morning we had a cooking group though and got to make lunch. Today through Monday we get visiting hours but I am just doing laundry and relaxing then and tomorrow and Monday my family is coming. I haven't seen my older brother or sister since before I left so I will enjoy being able to see them again. I am starting to learn more about myself and figuring out ways to cope with anxiety. Some days I am more homesick then others, so I would appreciate emails or mail sent to me, that way I can stay in touch with all of you! I miss you a lot!

Again here is the address you can write me at:

Anna Westin House-Adolescent, 

2230 Como Avenue, Saint Paul, MN 

55108

I try to remember that going through this will make me stronger and able to help others more

Hey everyone, I have been in treatment at the Emily Program for 4 and a half days now and a lot has gone on. Here is a link to where I am staying: http://www.emilyprogram.com/our-programs/awh/anna_westin_house_adolescent_and_young_adult_residential_program/ I've had some challenges and hard times but also some good times as well. Still getting adjusted to things around here and getting to know the other girls. The days here usually consist of different groups such as art, life skills, cooking groups on saturdays, gardening group, process group, body image, and a lot more, free time, and obviously meals which are 3 meals and 3 snacks, which some are more challenging than others. Also we have some individual appt's a few times a week, yoga twice a week, and acupuncture once a week, doctor appt's once a week, and every morning we get vitals checked. This morning we had a lot of different groups, one of them was recreational group and we got to go outside and play lawn games which helped me enjoy myself and have fun with the other residents and we also had a gardening group and got to plant some vegetables and flowers. Tonight we had a process group which was tough but I was able to open up about some things which helped with some anxiety. Later tonight we had visiting hours and my parents and twin sister, Rebecca visited. It was fun seeing them and being able to visit with them. Here is the address if you want to write to me, just make sure to address it to me :) Anna Westin House-Adolescent,  2230 Como Avenue, Saint Paul, MN  55108  I miss you all so much! If you have any questions or anything feel free to email me anytime or send me mail if you'd like as well!! ~Heather Rose

The Emily Program: Start of In-Patient Treatment

Hi, This is Rebecca (Heather's twin sister). Heather moved into the In-Patient treatment at The Emily Program on Monday, and will be there for a minimum of two months... we aren't sure exactly how long she will be there but it depends on how she does. Her first day was very tough for her, and the meals have been hard for her... it has been a lot more food than she has used to. The day after we found out that Heather was going to start in-treatment, she had an EKG and blood test done as well as other medical stuff done, and the EKG results were normal, but the blood results showed that her enzyme levels were elevated, which has to do with her liver. She is also malnourished.

Her first night was hard for her and she had trouble sleeping. She said she was having a lot of anxiety about eating and gaining weight, and she was very homesick and cried most of the night. The nurse had prescribed her some melatonin to help her sleep better. Heather had told me she has been able to sleep better for the most part. She is starting to become more adjusted and comfortable there. She has been emailing me each day and so have I. I'm going to visit her tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.

Heather asked me to share some updates she has sent me via email. Here is an update from yesterday:

Hey everyone, today is my 2nd full day in treatment at the Emily Program. I am staying at the Anna Westin House- Adolescent/Young Adult (AWHA/YA) residential program at the Emily Program. The website is emilyprogram.com and you can write to me if you'd like. The address is listed under the section about the AWHA/YA on the website and also under the locations, the como avenue one in St. Paul and the location for adolescents is what the address is. Just address it to me and write Anna Westin House- Adolescent with the address underneath. I came here on Monday afternoon so I was here for half of Monday. I've been here for 2 and a half days. The first night was really rough, I couldn't sleep and cried throughout the night, it was a hard adjustment to get used to. Yesterday was my first full day here and I was here for all the meals and snacks which was quite challenging, morning snack and lunch especially. Then I had gotten lab tests done again, blood tests, EKG, physical and probably getting lab tests again tomorrow. I get my vitals checked twice a day. We have groups and individual appt's during the day and some free time as well. Yesterday we had yoga which is twice a week and today I got to do acupuncture during one of the individual appts, I had never done that before and it was a different experience but it didn't hurt and was actually relaxing. We also had a group art therapy and it was a fun group. Tomorrow we have dinner with our parents and then a multi-family group with all the other families. Friday, we have a gardening group and get to plant some things. and this weekend I get to see my siblings and family during visiting hours, which I can't wait til because I miss them so much!

Heather got blood drawn on Tuesday as well as an EKG. She said the EKG results were normal, but she had to get blood drawn again today. She had yoga the first day and said it was kind of weird. She did acupuncture yesterday and said that was alright and that she couldn't really feel the needles and that it was actually quite relaxing. She said her roommate is very nice, and she is starting to get to know the other girls as well. She had a book club yesterday and said they are reading a book called "Life Without Ed". She said they have individual appointments and groups. They have appointments with the doctor once a week, and they see a therapist a few times a week, as well as psychiatrist and dietitian and other appointments. They have an art group and Heather really enjoys that group. They have free time each day, and Heather has a little extra free time as well as the other young adults while the school-age ones are in class there. She spends her free time online and emailing, as well as coloring, and they can also watch tv, netflix, listen to Pandora, and just hang out. They also have things they do together as a group during free time as well. Each Tuesday they have an outing and dinner. She didn't get to attend the first one, because they have them stay back the first week. On Thursdays they have Parent Groups and a dinner with their parents and then have activities with the residents and their parents afterwards. On weekends she gets to have visitors, and this weekend my family and I are visiting her. I have been continuing to email her multiple times a day and she has been emailing me as well and giving updates. I will try to update her blog for her with updates on how she is doing. I am also updating her Facebook for her on her account as well as occasionally putting updates on my own Facebook, too.

I'm proud of Heather for accepting help and being brave. I can only imagine how hard this may be for her, and I know she can overcome this. It may not be an easy journey but I believe in her that she is able to fight the eating disorder and overcome it. The Emily Program is such a great program and I'm very thankful that she is getting lots of help and support there. They will and are taking good care of her and it will be a great experience for her. She is in a good place where they will give her the right help, and make sure she is healthy and gets healthier. Please keep Heather in your prayers during this time, as well as myself and my family. We are having a tough time without her and miss her SO much!

big changes ahead

Lots has happened this past week.
Last Sunday, May 6th I ended up in the ER. I had been feeling depressed more and was thinking and planning on overdosing on my meds and also some other pills. I was in the ER for a couple of hours until around midnight and didn't get home until 1 in the morning.
On Tuesday, I went to my appts at the Emily Program and met with my therapist that I had seen a couple of times there. Her and my parents both agreed that the residential inpatient program would be most beneficial to me. I also think that program would be more helpful. My therapist checked to see if our insurance would cover it and it does 100% so then I met with the Intake & Admissions Coordinator at the Anna Westin House-Adolescent/Young Adult, had the program explained to me and got a tour. She said I would most likely be able to get in by Monday, the 14th. I am sorta nervous about going into this but know that it is for the best so I can get better. I then had an appt. made to see the doctor there to get lab tests done the next day. And lastly saw my dietitian there.
On Wednesday, I met with the doctor at the Emily Program and got a physical exam, EKG, and blood work done as well as answered questions she had for me.
The results to my lab tests came yesterday and everything went okay except for the enzyme levels in my liver were elevated which they were concerned about but said they would be able to closely monitor that and that it is probably because I am malnourished.
And now they are just waiting to hear back from the insurance, and will get back to me soon about that.

Nervous & Overwhelmed

So... tough changes are ahead.
On Monday I went to see my dietitian at the Emily Program and she took my weight right away and seemed concerned. She said that I was back to where I was 2 months ago when I first came there and I haven't really progressed or gained any weight since then. The meal plans weren't really working out or helping any and she said that I am underweight and malnourished. So she recommended that I have a higher level of care, such as intensive outpatient, the adolescent intensive day program, or inpatient if I need a higher level of care. She recommended the intensive day program over the intensive outpatient because she thinks that the day program would be more beneficial for me since it meets more and is 5 days a week, 7hrs a day, includes meals and therapy, group therapy and other things to help more. So I will probably start out with the intensive day program and from there they will assess how I am doing each week and if I would need a higher level of care such as inpatient.
Either one would be a big change and will be tough but I know I need the help even though I feel like my body is fine at the weight I'm at but if I keep going down this path, then it won't be good.
The depression is pretty much the same still, some days are a lot worse though.
I will need the courage and strength to fight through this and be more open about it so that I can get the help I need. So if you could pray for me, that would be much appreciated cuz I'm just really nervous and overwhelmed about it.
Thanks!