Updates

Hey, I've decided to blog about my journey and things going on. I'll try to keep this updated.
A lot has happened in the past few months...
So, I have been feeling depressed since last spring of 2011 and I thought I could deal with it all on my own and didn't need help, I also started to eat less and started losing weight. Around November/December it started to get worse.
But it was gradual so I thought it was fine. Well, I guess I was wrong. The depression got worse and so did the weight loss, eating became a struggle and still is. Towards the end of December, I started to cut.
There were a few close friends in whom I confided in about what was going on and how I was feeling, one in particular that was there since the beginning of it all. I never thought it would come to cutting but it did and I told one of my friends about it and she was concerned enough to let my mom know what had happened. At first I was upset but then I realized that she only did that because she cared and didn't want anything bad happening to me. But my parents still didn't know what else was going on, with the depression and eating less/losing weight. But it wasn't long until they found out what was going on from another friend. My first thoughts were that they wouldn't understand and would be upset or something, but they didn't act like they were upset. I wasn't sure if they understood though and still am not sure.
If I said that I stopped cutting after that, that would be a lie, because I have, but then I started going to a Christian therapist and things got a little bit better but slowly. It took awhile to feel comfortable going into therapy and I still am getting used to it, but I try to be as open as I can.
Numerous people, close friends, and my therapist, strongly recommended that I see a doctor to see if I'm healthy and if things are alright or not. I hesistated going but I asked my mom about going to see a doctor and she made an appointment for me. I was nervous about going but I knew it was something I should do.
The appointment consisted of lots of questions and getting my height/weight checked. My doctor said she was concerned about my weight and recommended that I see the dietitian at the clinic. She also diagnosed me with moderate depression and prescribed a medication for that.
A couple weeks later, I met with the dietitian, who went over a meal plan for me and mentioned that if things got worse or if this didn't work out that I should check out the Emily Program, a treatment program for eating disorders, which my doctor, a couple friends, and my therapist, also mentioned.
A couple weeks ago, I went back to cutting again. I was also feeling really overwhelmed with everything going on, all the appointments, with eating, and also feeling more depressed. My therapist then gave me a refferal to the Emily Program. A few days later, I went to the Emily Program, and did an assessment. Then I went back the following week to meet with a therapist there to go over my assessment and figure out a treatment plan. They decided that I should stay with my current therapist and start out by seeing a dietitian at the Emily program weekly and if that doesn't work out good, then they will change my treatment plan to help me better. Last Monday, I met with the dietitian there and I made sure I was as open and honest with her as I could be, so that she could help me. I'm not sure if I will need more than that to help me get better, but I'll see how this goes and if I need more treatment then I'm hoping that goes well, but to be honest, I'm pretty nervous about this whole process, not sure how it will go, if it will work, and sorta hesitant about it overall.
My next appointment with the dietitian is on Monday, and on Tuesday I am meeting with my therapist.
Everyday is just a struggle though, with eating, feeling depressed, etc. I'm not even sure what my family thinks or knows about what's going on. I haven't told any of my siblings, but I'm sure they've noticed a change. My parents know but we don't really talk about it much, so I'm not sure if they understand much.
It's hard because I don't feel like I have an eating disorder, but I do. I don't eat a lot, I'm underweight but I feel like it's fine because I don't have serious health problems, or I feel like it's not as bad as some people's so I think it's fine.
I have been struggling in my faith throughout all of this, as things gradually got worse, my faith gradually weakened.
I don't know how long it will take to overcome this, or if I will ever actually overcome this. I know this can be a lifelong battle though.
Well, that's all for now... I'll try to keep this updated.